May 26, 2017

The perception of perfection....





Dear CLEMMIE,

I love to see women inspiring other women. I love it when a woman who has a huge platform and a voice in the world, uses it for good. I'm obsessed with your instagram stories and I see you as this cool woman in London with the cool hair and the cool voice, a perfect family and great style, not to mention your success as a writer. To hear that you struggled with how you look after your children and also voicing the stories of other women struggling, definitely made me stop and think. We all need to be reminded to stop and think of our relationship with our bodies and I'm glad there's people like you in the world that women have to look to, especially after children.

How we look, is a topic we're faced with all the time, as a society and also everyday in our own personal lives.

I was lucky that as a teenager I never really went through a period where I hated my body. Apart from the odd idiots who mocked me for being 'too skinny' when I was about 13, I grew up and was a healthy slim weight. I had big boobs for my size and overall was pretty happy with the way I looked. Then I had kids and like most women, everything changed. I went from having E cup boobs to a mere B cup within weeks of stopping breastfeeding my children. I had them 13 months apart and since falling pregnant I went from a size 6 to carrying a 9lb baby, two weeks past my due date. I breastfed, I lost heaps of weight naturally, got pregnant straight away again and then breastfed....and lost it all again. I was stretched and pulled in every direction. I hurt my back during the pregnancies, due to being so small to begin with and my posture never recovered. My stomach muscles were torn apart during the pregnancy, leaving me with diastis-recti which meant my stomach never looked the same again, no matter how flat it was. Although I had no visible stretch marks I felt saggy, like my skin had lost any elasticity it had once had. I'd look in the mirror and notice these things and whilst I accepted them, I never felt like I looked good, I had to change my clothing to cover most parts of myself up, I didn't wear a bikini for 6 years. My friends and I would sit around and talk about the parts of our bodies we disliked 'Oh my God, I hate my stomach, it's so flabby' 'My boobs are disgusting, they're so saggy now..'I felt old and weak and tired and it was a good few years before I felt like I had my mojo back.






















And then I got breast cancer and I lost one of my boobs altogether. Upon recovering from my brush with cancer, it occurred to me how silly it was to have ever wasted any time thinking negative thoughts about my absolutely perfect, healthy body. My boobs may have been less than desirable but they were healthy breasts. I look at my body now and even though in the eyes of society, I'm not beautiful, I'm not perfect, I have nothing but love and gratitude for this vessel that carries me through life. I see a body that carried two children and then beat cancer, all before it was thirty years old, that was too fucking strong and healthy to let the disease win. I don't see the imperfections of a scar or the extra weight I gained from certain drugs I had to take during treatment. I see a reflection of a woman, that reflection means I'm here, that means I'm alive and that is all I need. I love my body more than I ever have, in it's imperfect, perfect form. The more I tell my body I love it, the more it blossoms, the healthier it gets, the more it heals.

It makes me sad that we are in a society where it's normal to risk our health and sometimes our lives by injecting stuff into our faces, to have dangerous operations to make us look better and to look younger, to have bigger boobs, a bigger ass, a flatter stomach. That young girls develop eating disorders in a hope to look like the celebrities the media thrusts upon us on a daily basis, that people grow up believing they're inferior to others, simply because they're made to feel ugly or fat.


When in order to look more beautiful, all you really need to do is have a beautiful personality. You need to smile, you need to be confident, you need to show the world your talents and you need to be good to people.

I feel like we have a responsibility to ourselves and to our daughters to make changes, to spread the message that;

People genuinely don't care what you look like when they love you for who you are. Love yourself, be grateful you're healthy and that you're here. Nothing else matters <3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">
<3 nbsp="" p="">Love Hayley xoxo


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